Eggman's Momma
by Turbo Speed
Summary: What happens when Eggman's mother pays an unexpected visit to her overweight son? What if he risks being grounded forever? It's a lot funnier than it sounds. [COMPLETE]
1. An Unexpected Visit

Author's Note: Eggman is copyright to Sega and Yuji Naka. I created Eggman's Momma. Why? Because I can!

Chapter 1: An Unexpected Visit

One day, it began with Eggman in a headquarters he established somewhere new. He was working on a project of some kind. Just then he heard knocking.

"Eggie-sums! It's your mother! Let me in!"

"OH NO!I'm leaving!"

Eggman grabbed a suitcase and started packing up and then locked the doors. After several locks and door reinforcements, a giant dent was suddenly made on the other side of the door. Then another. And the door fell down. It was Eggman's momma! Eggman's momma got up and had to make a second trip to lift her huge stomach up. She was at least three times the size of Eggman.

"Hello, mother!"

"I raise you and overfeed you, and this is how you thank me when I give you a visit?! Anyway, what were you doing just now?"

Eggman started moving to his project while Eggman's momma started scratching her hairy legs.

Reluctantly, Eggman guided his mom through his laboratory and headquarters past his robots to his latest project, which was almost complete. It looked like a huge metal tower sitting inside an isolated room viewable through the glass window they were looking at.

"I call it my Weight Tower! You see, I've tried every diet and weight-loss program there is, but nothing works without giving me a sagging belly flap, as you remember." Eggman began "But with this, this laser will suck metabolism from every living skinny person and transfer it into me, so that I will lose weight and everybody else will GAIN IT!"

"Eggie-kums! What have I ever told you about these little plots of yours? Ever since that doomsday device you tried to build to blow up the kids who made fun of you in 4th grade..."

"MOTHER!"

"No buts; you're GROUNDED! No more projects, no more robots, and no more of your monkey business until you straighten yourself out, young man! And some pilates wouldn't hurt."

Eggman ran upstairs into his room and locked the door. Eggman also remembered the last time he was grounded as a child; his punishment was to shave his mom's legs. He quickly grabbed the suitcase he had packed and jumped out the window with it and swung out of his headquarters using a bungie cord gun.

"I'm running away and my mommy will never make me come back EVER!" Eggman sobbed to himself

Eggman's mom was still downstairs trying to cut her toenails with the only thing big enough to take the job: a pair of hedge cutters. She cut herself and screamed a fatty scream of fat.

Feeling bored, she got up, scratched the mosquito bite on her fat hairy legs and walked to the refrigerator, creating loud quakes with each step. Several robots maintaining the place malfunctioned or exploded because they couldn't take the sudden change in frequency. 


	2. Grounded Forever

Chapter 2: Grounded Forever?

Eggman's momma had gotten to the fridge, and it had opened long before she got to it, due to the shock waves shaking the doors open. She picked up the entire fridge and opened her huge mouth. Everything slid out into her mouth, including packaging. Everything was gone within minutes. After gorging everything down, she put her fat arm inside the now empty refrigerator, screwed the light bulb out, and swallowed it.

Eggman's mom belched a huge fatty belch of fat. She rubbed her mouth clean with her hairy arm.

"I helped my Eggie-kins out by disposing of all the dangerously high cholesterol foods in his refrigerator! He'll thank me later."

Eggman's mom then walked upstairs to the door to Eggman's room.

"Eggie-kins, you can come out. We can talk this out and maybe go to a buffet or two..."

Eggman's momma opened the door and found him gone.

"EGGIE-KUMS! When I find you, you'll be GROUNDED FOREVER!!!!!!"

Eggman had retreated to a place of security that he would always go to in his childhood: the Station Square Buffet. Whenever he was sad as a child, a visit to that buffet would always make him feel better.

Eggman looked around and realized that he hadn't visit the buffet in over ten years. Then he had a nostalgic feeling when he remembered the time he cleared out the entire buffet five times in a single day, the entire kitchen three times, and ate all the light bulbs in the refrigerators.

"That's my boy!" Eggman's mom would always say in those times "Those light bulbs are crunchy and an important source of magnesium that a growing boy like you needs!"

Eggman also remembered the silly things his mom tried to teach him as a child, such as an altered food pyramid (with the four main groups including grease, lard, sugar, and high fructose corn syrup). Of course, he knew better now. Those silly ideas left his head only weeks ago.

Eggman sat down with twelve plates of deep-fried lard coated in sugar with a high fructose corn syrup filling. After eating all of those in under five minutes, he washed everything down with a whole pail of bacon grease: his favorite kind of grease.

After sitting back and trying to remember the good times, Eggman leaned back on his chair. The legs snapped under his pressure and he came down to the floor.

Unfortunately, Eggman had trouble getting up; he was used to robots doing all the small things for him. After trying to get up, he heard a violent rumble. He looked at his second bucket of bacon grease and saw it jump up with each rumble. The rumbles were getting louder and louder. They were coming closer and closer. All the buffet employees and other visitors evacuated the area screaming "EARTHQUAKE!"

But Eggman knew very well who made that familiar rumble. After all, the frequency made the windows shatter.

"EGGIE-KUMS!!!!!"

Eggman struggled to get up. It was hard. Within a minute, his mom would get him and probably make not only shave her legs, but also wax her back. He reached up for the table and made it fall. He started running to the back of the restaurant looking for an exit, or at least somewhere to hide until she leaves. 


	3. SlimFast

Chapter 3: Slim-Fast

Eggman ran to the employee areas to hide. Then Eggman's momma burst through the doors with her huge girth. The walls around the door crumbled on impact.

"EGGIE-KINS!!!!!"

Eggman was hiding in the back most area of the buffet: a janitor's closet. It was the size of a one person bathroom. He locked the door and hoped that his mom wouldn't find him. He had to so something in the off chance that...

"I KNOW YOU'RE IN THIS ROOM! I'M GOING TO OPEN IT!!!!"

Eggman's mom was heading his way. Eggman knew it; he heard the shockwaves getting louder. He had to do something or he would be... grounded for life. Eggman searched frantically for something in the closet. All he found was an XXL janitor suit, gloves, and an empty fire extinguisher. He had to find something else he could use, and FAST.

She was getting closer and closer to the door. Then Eggman spotted something else in the room. It was a long shot, but it would work to his advantage greatly and help him escape the room.

Eggman's mom was opening the door. It had been locked, so she was going to use her stomach as a battering ram. Eggman quickly put on the janitor suit and gloves, then prepared his fire extinguisher with the thing he found.

Eggman's mom smashed the door down.

"I won't be grounded anymore, mother!"

Eggman aimed his fire extinguisher at his mom and sprayed her with a brown, watery, milky liquid.

"AAAAUUUGGGHH!!!! SLIM-FAST!!!! MY WEAKNESS!!!!!"

Eggman's mom fell to her fat knees and made a huge rumble. Eggman ran around her to the exit while she tried to get back up, which she did. And she turned around to face Eggman.

"EGGIE-KINS, YOU'LL BE GROUNDED FOREVER!!!!"

Eggman sprayed her with all he had.

"AAAUUUUGGGHH!!!!!!! I FEEL IT BURNING MY FAT!!!!!" 


	4. Job Interview

Chapter 4: Job Interview

Eggman's mom was on the ground. She was nearly unconscious; the fat burn was very her. Several parts of her life flashed before her eyes, even though it was just Slim-Fast. She remembered the time she drove to her first job interview. She had driven a pick-up truck, and had to sit in the pick-up. The roof of the truck was gone so she could reach the wheel, the back door on the pick-up was gone to let her fat sag out on the street, and when she sat in the truck, the truck would incline back.

She got off at the job interview hoping to get some kid and raising it, and using the money to overfeed the baby she had. She stopped to get her job interview at a popular buffet to work where she could get all the free food she wanted for her Eggman.

Eggman's mom stuffed herself through the door of the manager's office and sat down on both chairs at once.

"Okay, Ms. Eggman's Momma, I understand you would like a job here at the buffet..."

He read through her resume and then stopped to ask a question.

"Ma'am, you neglected to mention what college you graduated at in your resume."

"I graduated at... Olive Garden! It's an ivy league school."

"...okay. What did you major in?"

"EVERYTHING!"

"Wait, you majored at everything?"

"Major? Oh no, I thought you were asking me what I ate while I was there. I ate EVERYTHING!"

"...Uh... okay... I don't know what I'm thinking, but you got the job. How many X's are in your shirt size?"

"My shirt size is 25XL. I'm watching my womanly figure!"

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Then she came to and found herself on the buffet floor. She struggled to get up hoping to find Eggman and ground him forever. 


	5. Rise and Fall of the Egg Carrier 3

Final Chapter: Rise and Fall of the Egg Carrier 3

Eggman was running back to his headquarters. His plan? To launch the Egg Carrier 3 (which was the size of a flying house) and high tail it somewhere. Anywhere his mom wasn't. He took about 5 hours to get home from running. He would have taken only 2 hours, but he stopped every 2 minutes to catch his breath. The funniest part was that, upon return, Eggman realized he could have used the flying vehicle he used to get to the buffet in the first place. Really smart, Eggman.

He slapped himself in the head and ran to a launch panel to start up the Egg Carrier 3. He launched himself far in a random direction. Eggman tried to relax himself while flying by playing cards against himself.

"Got any threes? Go fish!"

After an hour, Eggman peeked out and found himself above Station Square. Not the place he wanted to go. Smart move, Eggman. Because at that time, Eggman's momma was coming to. She got up and saw the Egg Carrier 3 clear as day in the sky.

"EGGIE-KINS! You nearly made me lose weight with that Slim-Fast! That is the worst thing you've ever done to me! When I get you, you'll be grounded forever, and you'll have to shave my legs each week, and you'll have to eat salads!"

"NO! The cruelty!"

Eggman's momma walked to a skyscraper nearby, then started running into it with her fat. After 3 hits, it fell over and nearly landed on the Egg Carrier 3. What made it worse was that the Egg Carrier 3 wasn't very fast.

"No, don't do this to me mother!"

It was there that all the things Eggman's mom would overeat finally reacted with her brain, and she formulated a plan. It seemed like a long shot, too. Eggman started heading in a direction where a building would have been just to the left of the Egg Carrier 3, and there was another building just to the left of that one.

Eggman's mom ran to the building further from the Egg Carrier and knocked at it at an angle. She made it fall. She was going to miss, but she hit the other building, and it landed straight on the Egg Carrier 3.

"OH NO! Start the escape pod!"

Eggman shot out of an escape pod, but a fourth building fell on it for apparently no reason. He was completely fine, but just stuck underneath the building's rubble. Eggman's momma approached the pile of rubble and started digging.

A few weeks later.

"EGGIE-KINS! When you're finished eating your salad, you can start shaving my legs!"

"I long for death..."

"HURRY UP! Get the shaving cream NOW!"

THE END 


End file.
